Posted: September 24th, 2009 | Author: Hilah | Filed under: News | Tags: big ol tire fire, Comedy, Hilah Johnson, rain, weather | No Comments »

Well, it’s been raining here finally. It was pretty cool for the first day but now it’s just making me sleepy… and horny. BUT just because it does that, it is no reason to wish for the rain to stop. We actually need rain. We need it to survive. Without rain, we could die. Talk to some Native Americans about it; they know. Anyway, since many of you have probably only seen rain about once or twice before, here’s a little background info on it so you understand what we’re dealing with and not fuck it up for everyone.

Warning: Contains clouds

1) Clouds ain’t food
A lot of times clouds look like cotton candy or cotton balls or other edible stuff. They are not. If you tried to eat a cloud, you’d end up with a mouth full of air and maybe some feathers too, from the angels that live in the clouds. Clouds is where angels like to hang out. It’s cool and it’s real high up so they can spy on Earthlings. If you’re ever in an airplane and you go through some clouds, look out for angels. If you’re flying the airplane, go ahead and try to hit them. They won’t die and it’s kind of a fun game.

1) Raindrops are Angel tears
It seems the badder we are here on earth, the sadder the angels get and they cry. They cry raindrops. We need those raindrops! I can think of many things to do to make angels cry; how many can you think of?

Pimp out your sister

Leave porn on a playground

Cuss on the internet

Burn down a church

2) Rain water is made of acid
This is part of the ”Global Warning”. I think what the acid rain is warning us about is the global pollution and local pollution, too. Think about this the next time you take a wiz outside. Acid rain will dissolve your car’s paint and also the paint off schoolbuses, making them hard to see, therefore making children more likely to die in a wreck, therefore making angels cry more, starting what’s called a “rain cycle”. It might also dissolve the paint off your face, and then the skin, too. It is rumored that Michael Jackson put acid rain on people’s faces to make the Thriller video zombies.