Posted: February 19th, 2009 | Author: Mark | Filed under: News | Tags: Brendon Walsh, insurance scam, Mark Stewart, murder | No Comments »

Bette says, "Die, mother-fucker!" Too bad she just shot her cat with a catnip gun

Great in the sack, but she's about to shoot the guy bringing her check

Back when I was an insurance salesman, I met a lot of hot dames who were interested in knocking off their old men and collecting on life insurance policies. Even though I eventually got mixed up in a lot of these schemes, I was always against it from the start. Their plans were always half-baked, preposterous schemes that wouldn’t work in a Golan-Globus film. And the women were always drunk or on pills or both and hadn’t a chance in the world to get away with it.

This shit totally works

I think men are better at planning this kind of murder than women—or at least that was my experience in the insurance industry. Consider a song like “Murder By Numbers” by the Police (three dudes)—full of sound advice for this kind of endeavor, compared to “Down In The Willow Garden”, which was probably written by a chick since it is a chick that gets murdered. The scheme in “Willow Garden” is pretty fucking lame: push her in the river. That’s all. Nice plan, blondie. It’s 2009; she probably knows how to swim.

Push that hag in the river!

Anyway, I learned a few things from all these murder trials and insurance fraud investigations, and thought I would pass a few of these nuggets on to you—whoever the fuck you are reading this weirdo blog.

The exceptions that prove the rule

1) Do it in color. Nobody ever gets away with murder in black and white, unless it is a Russ Meyers-type vixen, and women like that are not in real life.

2) Don’t carry a purse. Every woman who ever carried a purse got sent to the chair .

3) Try to be unattractive. At least you won’t get yourself caught because you were slutting around.