Smoking

Fucking goddamn sexy brilliant advertising

So, today was a big news day on Yahoo! as I am sure you all saw. President Barack Obama signed a bill that is going to make smoking less yumyums, but also make you have to pay big $$$ to something called the “FDA”. Here’s some information about both smoking and the “FDA”. But you don’t have to take MY word for it…

Fact One: Smoking is yummos. Well, it can be yummos. Like if you get those tiny cigars that are flavored with real apple-cinnamon or grape soda or whatever. Cotton candy would be good, too. Or milkshake. Or tequila. BUT, get this, part of Obama’s new “thing” is a ban on candy-flavored squares. Holy smokes! There are so many (possibly amazing) flavors out there, waiting to be tried, and we’re shut down! Shut down before we’ll ever get to experiment with a new invention I just thought of called “Tasty Tokes” which would have been a fun kit that you could purchase anywhere and would enable you to mix and match several flavors to create your own uniquely flavored cigarettes. But that show’s over, folks. You can all go home. Apparently, Obama differentiates between cigarettes and Sno-cones. Moving on.

Fucking goddamn feminine hygiene

Fact Two: The FDA is a bunch of shitasses. Now, I don’t claim to know what “FDA” stands for, but I bet it is something like Fags and Douchebags Anonymous. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I mean, these are the same choads that: A. Approved Lysol as a vaginal douche; B. Put salmonella not only in my peanut butter but also my 12 dozen raw oysters at the Alligator Grille that cost me $36 even though they gave me the shits for three days; and C. Made lead be in my paint and I was going to eat that! I refuse to take advice from these clowns. Even if it is meant to save my life. Screw you, FDA.

Fucking goddamn tasty salmonella oysters

So there you have it. Some good points and info. And I bet you just took my word for it, even though I said you didn’t have to, because I made a couple of really great arguments. Thanks for reading. Comments welcome.