Truth about the Republicans New Health Care Plan
Posted: August 9th, 2009 | Author: CraigO | Filed under: News | Tags: Barack Obama, Comedy, Craig Staggs, health care | 2 Comments »A simple and very true email about the Republican’s new health care plan from an American just like you, but a tiny bit smarter.
It's your fault, 'cause your poor.
After exhaustive research and an painstaking review of the Republicans health Care Plan they call “It’s The Sick Bastard’s Fault, Stupid” or “ITSBFS” I have found some things I think people should be warned about.
Just be yourself and don't tell anyone you are on you period.
The ITSBFS plan is thirty seven pages long and six of those are blank pages at the end. The intro is ten pages long and is written by Sarah Palin in the form of a children’s book about a pubescent bear who wanted to be a cheerleader. The glossary is longer than the text it self. And there is a section in the middle of glossy photos of Senators scaring the shit out of old people. I’m not saying it’s short, but if it was a dick, you would not want to help it with a flat tire. I’m not saying it lacks substance, but there is a place in that plan where the pages have been carved out so you can sneak a gun into a town hall meeting. But who wants a long health care bill? Something like this is simple. The republican plan-
“…realizes the simple truth that poor people are fat and ugly and don’t deserve bullshit like doctors and welfare.”
ITSBFS will kill your gay friends with aids. It’s absolutely true. It’s not satire. I read it. And now I am reporting it ver-batim in an email or on the internet screen itself. The republican plan will set up clinics across America and round up all the gay people with aids and kill them. The effort will be lead by a Gay Czar. The main qualification being a good gay-dar. In addition the plan expects many gays to go underground so the plan includes vouchers so that Americans can put cc-cameras in their closets to check if there are any queers trolling about in the tweeds. You heard that shit on the internet, first.
ITSBFS made this man sad.
Every woman must show her vagina to a priest, rabbi, preacher, padre, or minister each month to prove she ain’t got a baby lodged up in there.
All aboard!
If she does, she will be sent to Love Camp where abortions are not only illegal, they are impossible (and miscarriages are frowned upon). The babies that ain’t Baptist will be converted and sent to Dallas in rail cars called Chugga Chugga Baby Box Cars.
Old people will not be murdered by black Muslim doctors in their sleep like in the Obama care plan. Instead, they will be forced to live forever in tanks made of a special liquid blessed by Pat Robertson. You’ll visit them by placing a coin in a slot and picking a combo code on the key pad. Then a canister will be retrieved from deep within the facilities. You’ll see grandma behind a porthole window as you are warned by the usher once again that “the client may appear to be dead, but rest assured he or she is just sleeping, next.”
Respecting life one canister at a time.
Down Syndrome children are encouraged, but the condition will be renamed Up Syndrome.
ERs will now be run like auction houses. Auctioneers will call out treatments and ask for bids and the patients will make offers, thus assuring that the free market rules.
Condoms will be free at all clinics and hospitals, but the will have tiny holes poked in them.
In order to guard against the black-Muslim-anti-Christ-socialist take over of health care in the future the new health care department will be run by the KKK a group regarded on the right as the traditional defenders of health care.
And here, and initial here, and again here...
Lastly, each and every patient, now referred to as “clients” will sign a form “recognizing the superiority of the corporate health care system and state implicitly that you understand that it is indeed necessary to kill some people to protect the bottom line and forget all this ‘Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness’ drivel once and for all you small and unimportant little flesh fleck.”
So that is my report. Scary as it is it is all obviously very true and real. Like the man outside of your window, the ITSBFS plan is just waiting to put a baby in you. That’s not what I call reform.
Please forward this email to everyone you know. We must get the truth out there before it is too late. And here is a big ass picture of the American flag:
I'm pretty sure this makes my point.
LOL! This is SO true!
Pretty sure this is the same one Hilah’s grandma sent me last week. LOL!
You were right…the flag at the end really drove it home for me.
~Steve