Hangover Clouds Are Gathering

According to sources, due to a sudden change in the weather and a rash of super-hangovers, the remainder of SXSW has been cancelled.

A Whorepants

“It rained a fuckload last night, and we stayed up all night watching it and drinking this thing Jason’s girlfriend invented called a “whorepants”, which is like a Pixie Stix of straight booze. Plus it’s cold as shit, so we’re saying “fuck it”.”

Others have speculated that backyard show-goers would “Track a bunch of mud into the house”, and “I just can’t deal right now. We did – what?  Two, three nights already? Can we please just go get tacos?”

Get the fuck out!

All bands are being asked to “Just go home.” Those in hotels have begun packing and checking out, while those “crashing” (sleeping on couches or floors) have characteristically vowed to “Wait and see.”

There is no way SXSW is going to change their minds about this later this afternoon after some migas and bloody marys.

Waiting it Out

Bloodies for preppies

Sarcasm Texas Style

Welcome to Leander, bitches!

Ladies, if you go downtown in the next week or so, I guarantee you will run into a girl who will LOUDLY caution you not to sit on the toilet seats in whatever bar you’re in, and this news story is why. Be ready to debate the cleanliness of your chosen booze facility with this video as your backup. Enjoy!