Well, it’s been raining here finally. It was pretty cool for the first day but now it’s just making me sleepy… and horny. BUT just because it does that, it is no reason to wish for the rain to stop. We actually need rain. We need it to survive. Without rain, we could die. Talk to some Native Americans about it; they know. Anyway, since many of you have probably only seen rain about once or twice before, here’s a little background info on it so you understand what we’re dealing with and not fuck it up for everyone.
Warning: Contains clouds
1) Clouds ain’t food
A lot of times clouds look like cotton candy or cotton balls or other edible stuff. They are not. If you tried to eat a cloud, you’d end up with a mouth full of air and maybe some feathers too, from the angels that live in the clouds. Clouds is where angels like to hang out. It’s cool and it’s real high up so they can spy on Earthlings. If you’re ever in an airplane and you go through some clouds, look out for angels. If you’re flying the airplane, go ahead and try to hit them. They won’t die and it’s kind of a fun game.
1) Raindrops are Angel tears
It seems the badder we are here on earth, the sadder the angels get and they cry. They cry raindrops. We need those raindrops! I can think of many things to do to make angels cry; how many can you think of?
Pimp out your sister
Leave porn on a playground
Cuss on the internet
Burn down a church
2) Rain water is made of acid
This is part of the ”Global Warning”. I think what the acid rain is warning us about is the global pollution and local pollution, too. Think about this the next time you take a wiz outside. Acid rain will dissolve your car’s paint and also the paint off schoolbuses, making them hard to see, therefore making children more likely to die in a wreck, therefore making angels cry more, starting what’s called a “rain cycle”. It might also dissolve the paint off your face, and then the skin, too. It is rumored that Michael Jackson put acid rain on people’s faces to make the Thriller video zombies.
This poor pet monkey got caught in the rain
Anyway, think of some more stuff to do to make angels sad and quit wizzing everywhere and we’ll be alright.
So here we are in Maine. What a place. It took us about 12 hours of airports and 4 hours of cars, but we are here. Man, it’s pretty. This here is sort of a “travel diary”, but I thought I’d throw together some “Travel Tips” and other info I’ve gathered regarding Maine and Mainers just in case any of you ever visit. The first section is called:
This dude loves log
Stuff Mainers Like.
Wood: Mainers like wood a lot. We saw no fewer than eight signs for things ranging from “Camp Wood” to “Holiday Wood” to “The Wood Doctor”. That meant we got to make the same joke no fewer than eight times. You know, that joke? Even the air smells like wood up here. Maybe it’s all the forests, or maybe there’s a PineSol factory. Either way, it smells real good.
Water: It’s everywhere! If it’s not the ocean, it’s a pond; if it’s not a pond, it’s a river; if it’s not a river, it’s indoor plumbing. Who knew Mainers would be so crazy about water? It’s pretty weird, especially for us Texans who practically live in a desert, albeit one with automatic sprinkler systems and drying-up aquifers.
Really, kid? Lobster AND ice cream?
Ice Cream: This one was just inexplicable. I mean, here we are, driving through the rain and it’s 64 degrees out and we must have seen three ice cream places in each town we drove through, which was about 20 so that’s about 60 ice cream places in an area who’s average temperature is less than 50 degrees! Maybe we should give Maine ice cream a try. Is it better than BlueBell? More on that later.
Beavers, Lobsters, and other “wild life”: All I can say is, they’re hardly “wild” when you keep them locked up on a big island. Mount Desert Island is probably like Alcatraz for animals. We’ll check that out tomorrow and maybe do an expose on it.
Making puns with the word “Maine”: As in, “Maine-ly Sewing”, “Maine-ly Maine Gift Shop”, “Mainely A Cappella”, “Mainely Hawaii”, and “Maintenance Contractors of Maine”. Okay, we get it, y’all have a really cool name for your state. All we can do is: “No new Texas!”
I doubt they are really singing lobsters
The sign says it all
I’ll keep you posted on more stuff I find out about Maine. In the “maine” time, keep it real, my “maine” man!
G’Day Mate! Hilah here. A few weeks back, we were lucky enough to be invited by our friends Laurel and Paul to share in Laurel’s Christmas present from her boss: a gift certificate to THE OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE. How could we say no? We LOVE trying new restaurants, especially steak ones. We got dudded up in our finest Urban Outback apparel and were on our way. The teenaged hostesses were very impressed when we told them we were from Melbourne. They were giggling all the way to the booth in the far corner that they seated us in. We started out with some Foster’s of course, and a Bloomin’ Onion. We all practiced our Australian accents when we ordered. Our waitress loved it! We got steaks that were so delicious we didn’t even need steak sauce, although I did slip the bottle into my purse. I also took my silverware set and Mark’s spoon. I would have taken his knife and fork, too, but my purse was filled up with the napkin dispenser. What can I say? I love souvenirs! I highly recommend this restaurant to anyone who loves steaks, Australia, or free condiment caddies.
Paul didn't eat that green stuff. I can't blame him.
Where's the steak sauce? Oh, yeah. I remember now.
The much anticipated all new original music video from BOTF is here! This is the movie that knocked them dead at Austin’s Funniest Filmmaker competition and it will knock you dead now. So take off your pants, turn on the full screen, and gather the kids around the laptop for family fun. And by kids I mean adult children who are used to the f-bomb, C-grenades and some rapid fire drug references.
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