JERRY!

I thought I’d put Jerry! together on one post to make it easier to find and watch. This is a micro-budget movie we made for $1,000. It’s a silly 40 minute short about a group of misfits who form a Jerry Maguire concept band.
It won’t win an Oscar, but it is fun and it works! It is undoubtedly a movie. True that.

Share a link to your tiny-money movies and I’ll post them if they are funny.

10,000 BC Movie Review

This movie is the bomb!

The movie 10,000 BC is about cave men and what it would be like to have a saber tooth tiger as a friend. First, some background: Cave men started being alive about 10,000 BC. They looked a lot like modern humans, except for their faces were covered in mud and everyone had dreadlocks. They kept their faces covered in mud so they could hide from their enemies, like dragons and dinosars and giant birds. They had dreadlocks because hairbrushes and Pantene and mousse wasn’t invented until about 115,000 years later.

This caveman is whacked out about electricity

Now, on to the movie review! 10,000 BC is a very entertaining “flick” about a young caveman whose girlfriend gets abducted by the “white devil” from the North. Let me tell you, that white devil guy and his pals are bad news! But, so, the first guy gets his pals together and they go after the bad guy. On the way, he makes friends with a saber tooth tiger as well as the entire population of Africa. Together, after many trials and tribulations and near-deaths, they get his girlfriend back and kill the white devil! Actually, I fell asleep right after the guy almost doesn’t make it for the third time, so I’m just filling in the blank about the end here. But, I am pretty sure after seeing about 75 minutes of the movie that that is how it probably ended.

Check out his wicked fangs! Sabre tooth!

Overall, I recommend 10,000 BC for anyone who enjoys learning about cave men or seeing CGI woolly mammoths. So don’t miss it! It’s playing on HBO all the fucking time.

CATS!

Pooping on command

When most people think of cats, they think of a small, furry, petting animal that sleeps on their face and poops in their house. This is not true. While it is true that some cats are small and will poop on command, most cats are big and want to eat you, especially if you are in Africa. Let’s look at some of these man-eating cats.

Lions are the "tops"!

Lion:

Lions live in Africa and are very large. They are probably the biggest cats in the world. When most people think of lions they think of big cats with a lot of extra hair around their face, like a mane. In fact, this extra hair is called a mane so most people would be correct.

Despite their reputation as cowardly, lions hunt all day and eat things such as men, women , and children. Some people go on trips called “safaris” where they kill lions and bring back their heads, skins, and penises to display in their homes and keep their small pet cats in line.

Two hungry tigers waiting to pounce.

Tiger:

Tigers are very similar to lions, except they are smaller and thus can more easily crawl through the fences around Africa and thus have spread over most of the world. They are very cunning animals and should not be left alone with things that you care about. They have been known to eat up sick elephants, leather sofas, even Playstations.

Tigers can also eat people, if you let them. Fortunately, tigers and humans are rarely in the same room as each other and so tigers rarely have the chance. Although they are very smart animals, they are also very lazy and if you find yourself in close proximity to a tiger, climb the nearest tree. Tigers will not climb up after you because they are too lazy and would rather eat something that is on the ground.

This hamster faces a life sentence for his crimes.

Hamster:

Hamsters are not related to cats, but I feel it is necessary to mention them here because they can kill humans. Hamsters have been “domesticated” for over a hunderd years on Earth. This means that they are sold at pet shops and given to children to keep in their rooms and cuddle. Do not do this!!! Hamsters have been proven to carry lice, mites, and AIDS. All of these things can kill a small child. Please, if your child owns a hamster, get rid of it. If you have one, a lion or a tiger will gladly dispose of your hamster for you. If you are not lucky enough to have a lion or tiger, then please dispose of you hamster in any manner that does not involve eating it.